Life Advice

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Health

Shopper is bothered by pushy offers of help

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

For instance, you describe what happens as strangers offering you unwelcome and unsolicited advice. To reframe this, you would choose to see this as strangers trying to be of service.

Human beings, who so often ignore the real needs of others, are making a "bid" of connection by approaching you and offering alternatives to walking. You can continue to reject this bid and go home raging. Or you can accept their bid and return it with one of your own: "Oh, that's nice of you, but I like the exercise." Saying, "That's nice of you" versus, "Thank you, but..." will make these people go away faster, because you will then have completed a positive connection.

You are wise to note that others' behavior is most often about them. Again -- it is NOT your job to make people feel better about themselves, but it might help YOU to feel better, which is your stated goal.

When people push back (who does this?!), you could sharpen your edge. Say, "I hope you're not second-guessing my needs. As I said, I'm good!"

Dear Amy: A few weeks ago, I casually started chatting with a girl on Facebook. She is a model and actress.

I told her that I am a singer-songwriter, and she asked me to send her a video of a song of mine, which I did.

 

She loved it and from then on, her tone became a little more intimate, with joking, teasing, heart emojis, this kind of thing. So, I suggested that we should make a music video together.

She lives two hours away. I told her I would pay for all our expenses. She accepted enthusiastically! She really loved my ideas, shared her ideas, and even wrote to me that she was considering buying a Go Pro camera to make some cool stuff.

She seemed nice and easy going, and really into it. Then, when we were about to schedule the weekend to work together ... she disappeared, and never wrote back. I guess she was just messing with me. Anyway, it hurts a little and I'd like to hear what you think.

-- Hurt

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