Couple wants to break up by backing away
Dear Amy: Every year, we celebrate Christmas at the home of my husband's wonderful parents. His siblings and their spouses are all pretty great -- we're all in our late 20s, early 30s. His parents are in their late 50s and healthy.
His parents put out a wonderful spread, but once the meal is over, all the "kids" retire to the other room to talk, play games, or -- worse -- look at their phones.
I understand his parents WANT to be the hosts and WANT us to spend time together, but I find it ridiculous that none of the kids offer to help. In my family, cleanup is a team effort.
I've constantly offered and tried to help, but they tell me to go enjoy everyone's company.
I don't want to be "that" in-law who tells people what to do with their own family, but I think it's rude that adult children lounge around while their parents are cleaning up after a big meal that they already worked hard to prepare.
I hope the kids will step up more as the parents age, but this doesn't seem to be happening yet.
What do you think?
-- Clean Sweeping Guest
Dear Guest: I think you're a dream-machine of an in-law.
However, you do have to read the room. Many people absolutely do not want others in the kitchen. They have their own system and they know how to work it. It gives them pleasure to entertain in this way.
You should always help to clear the table and find other little jobs to do that don't interfere with the hosts operations. And always, always, send a note of appreciation and thanks afterward.
I also think you should do your best not to judge this other family. These generous parents have raised their children to behave as they are behaving now. If you have children, you will do things differently.
Dear Amy: "Sad in Silicon Valley" was saddled with serious cancer and a seriously jerky husband. I was shocked -- but happy -- when you told her to "Thelma and Louise the heck out of this." I hope she runs fast and far.
-- A Fan
Dear Fan: I hope she chooses to finally live for herself.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
