At family gatherings, play 'please pass the politics'
In leaving the way you did, you turned the conversation away from him and his obnoxious beliefs, and onto you and your obnoxious behavior.
Who do you think really "won" that encounter? He baited the hook and you bit.
Must you tolerate the intolerable? Absolutely not. In the future, shut (or shout) this down, but don't surrender your own humanity.
In terms of apologizing, I do think you should at least acknowledge your behavior: "Donald, I realize I blew up the last time I saw you. Your views are deeply insulting, but I responded by attacking you, when I should have attacked your point of view."
I suggest holiday hosts this year might want to announce a moratorium on talking about topics that might lead to this sort of exchange (are there any topics left?).
I assume that many families will have gaps at their holiday table, as some people will choose to stay away, rather than face the sort of scene you've described.
Here's a quote I saw today from the Dalai Lama: "A fundamentally positive approach is to take account of the oneness of humanity. Dividing the world into "us and them" might have worked in the past, but it doesn't work anymore. We have to talk through our problems with our opponents, thinking of them as fellow human beings."
Dear Amy: I am curious about how to choose which of your nationality/races you should claim -- or whether you should go with the one you mainly are.
According to an Ancestry DNA, I am of Scottish, Irish, Australian Aboriginal and Maori descent in that order of percentage and I refer to myself as American Irish.
I have been told off by African Americans for not "claiming" my Aboriginal or Maori ancestry.
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