ArcaMax

Your mother might be extremely socially anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, or undermined by her husband. She might be self-conscious and afraid of facing questions or criticism. She might be wrestling with a serious medical issue that interferes with her functioning. She's working very hard to show up for her family, and yet she cannot seem to face her family.

Your response to her should not be anger. You should be concerned.

You are focused on the fact that your mother didn't "bother" to see you at this wedding. But once it became clear that your mother and stepfather would not be showing up for these events, why didn't you bother to hop in a car and pop over to check on them? She's your mother. Maybe it's time for you to show up for her.

Dear Amy: I am a 60-year-old woman. I moved to a new neighborhood about six months ago. At first my next-door neighbors were quite nice, and I was hoping to get better acquainted with the wife.

Now every time I see them, they act like they don't see me.

The wife is an interior designer, so I asked her over to look at my plans for new paint. She didn't like them and made another suggestion. I did consider her suggestion, but in the end I decided it's my house and I was going to do what I liked.

I saw her later, told her I got the painting done, and said that she could come look at it, but she might not like it, and she quickly said, "As long as you like it."

It sounded like something she had rehearsed. Do you think this would be enough to make her and her husband now dislike me?

I can't really think of anything else, and they've been frosty ever since. Should I do anything about it? I have never been a very popular person and I'm used to being snubbed, and when someone ignores me as she is doing, after a few stabs at friendliness, I just ignore them right back.

I'm already thinking maybe I should move.

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