Doormat mom finds ways to retaliate
But -- and this is huge -- she might not want to change the dynamic. THIS is the game she knows how to play.
You (and she) might benefit from reading "8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness (8 Keys to Mental Health)" by Andrea Brandt (2013, W. W Norton & Company).
Dear Amy: My husband of 34 years was a highly-educated man who could go for years without a drop of alcohol, only to resort to drinking a bottle of vodka every day.
He was never verbally or physically abusive, but his behavior caused stress and embarrassment on many occasions.
He died of liver failure in November. I was diagnosed with breast cancer the day he went into hospice and he died two days before my surgery.
How do I sort out my feelings of disgust, relief, guilt and sadness -- and come to terms with my own mortality?
-- Widow of Jekyll & Hyde
Dear Widow: I am so sorry you are facing these extreme challenges all at once. But here's the thing -- these two events happened concurrently, but you don't actually have to deal with them at the same time. It might help you to try to deliberately compartmentalize your world.
Your first priority should be to cope with your own health challenges. Get through every day knowing that you are taking optimal care of yourself.
Your husband had an illness, too. His alcoholism seems to have emerged as extreme and occasional binge-drinking. Every day he didn't drink might have been a hard-fought and private battle for him.
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