ArcaMax

Of course, your diner episode does not rise to the level of police involvement. But yes, you should say something. I think we should all say something.

You could have said, "Gentlemen, I think it would be swell if you would stop harassing this young woman and let her do her job. In fact, I could use a refill." (This would give her a reason to exit from their table.)

Then you could have spoken with the manager, describing the episode and giving them a heads-up to how professional she is. An extra-large tip (for her) would have demonstrated your support and solidarity.

Yes, your intervention might have embarrassed the server (and the older men) in the moment. But -- the fear of embarrassment has kept too many of us too quiet for too long. So speak up.

Dear Amy: Several years ago, I needlepointed a small Irish poem as a birthday present for a very dear friend of Irish ancestry.

It was a labor of love, expensive to make and meant to be hung on the wall, but she has never hung or displayed it.

Once, at a convenient moment, I wondered aloud in front of my friend and another person, where it was. My friend said they just had painted the walls but I'm sure she was avoiding the truth. It has bothered me for a long time (although we share many happy times together) and I don't know how or whether to approach her again.

If she doesn't care for it, I feel like asking for it back but realize that is inappropriate. What do you suggest?

-- Friend in a Quandary

Dear Friend: You did a very nice thing. But this was a gift. The joy was in the making and the giving. You stitched your friendship into this gift, and even if it is sitting in a drawer -- or on someone else's wall -- you are supposed to surrender control of the gift once you give it away. The recipient should honor your gift -- and your friendship -- by being grateful and making sure you understand how appreciative she is. She is not obligated to display it.

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