ArcaMax

Dear Devastated: Being angry, confused or upset is one thing. But when you start slinging accusations and insinuations around about someone who can't defend her own reputation, you tip the balance and seem irrational and even cruel.

I can think of several very reasonable explanations for your wife's actions. As her loving husband, your instinct should not be to jump to the harshest conclusion, but to assume the very best about someone whom you loved and who presumably loved you. You really need to get a grip about this, but if you find you are obsessing, still angry, and can't let it go, see a counselor. (Sept., 2009)

Dear Amy: My husband has a female friend that he just can't seem to part ways with. They talk on the phone and send text messages. The other day he dropped off a bottle of wine at her house. What should I do?

He says if I keep the house clean, he will stop seeing her.

-- Upset Wife

Dear Upset: His offer of a deal means that he knows what he is doing is wrong, and he is using this as leverage. Carmela Soprano would have told her husband, Tony: "I'll give YOU a deal -- you can stop texting her and you clean the house." After you explain to your husband that his behavior is disrespectful and is interfering with your marriage, get busy. Find ways to boost your self-esteem through healthy pursuits. Prepare to have a calm conversation with your husband that starts with the phrase, "Well, now that you've gotten my attention, let's talk about our marriage." (Sept., 2009)

Dear Readers: I am very active on some social media platforms. To find me on Twitter and Instagram, look for: @AskingAmy. My vibrant Facebook page address is: Facebook.com/ADickinsonDaily.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)