ArcaMax

I haven't expressed my concerns to my daughter as yet. I'm curious about your opinion. Should I speak up, or just hope things get better as the girls get older?

-- Concerned Grandpa

Dear Concerned: You should definitely ask your daughter why she dresses her daughters identically -- and listen to her logic. Understand that the parents have the right to make their own choices, and your best role is to occasionally offer up your own wisdom.

My own take on this is more about birth order than outfits. Four can be a tough age, especially if she is wedged between little-miss-perfect and a terrible-two toddler, and now there's an adorable new baby at home. This little girl might be feeling that life is very unfair just now.

Imagine how it would feel to just be mastering some of life's most important lessons, including picking up language, and how to control your body -- and doing it behind a bilingual, piano-playing superstar.

Because of her age and birth order, and because all of the adults in her world are constantly comparing her to someone two years older, she will always be behind. Even you, her Grandpa, refer to her as "age-appropriately proficient." Ouch! Was there ever a more perfect damning with faint praise?

I hope you will take it upon yourself to be this child's champion. Yes, she is crying out to be seen. So see her. She wants and needs attention. So give it to her.

Dear Amy: "Heartbroken in the Heartland" told a harrowing story of childhood abuse. Thank you for pointing him toward MaleSurvivor.org. I reached out to this organization over my own issues, and the fellowship helped me immeasurably.

-- Grateful

Dear Grateful: Survivors benefit from connecting with other survivors. I'm happy this helped you.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)