Impoverished parents now ask for more
-- Not a Retirement Fund
Dear Funders: I understand your conflicted feelings about your parents, who didn't provide adequately for their children, but are now basically shameless (you feel) in terms of their expectations.
You need to wean your parents away from being your sole responsibility. Your local Office on Aging should be a great resource for information on services available for low-income seniors. Your folks will likely qualify for subsidized housing, SNAP (food stamps), heating assistance and other programs designed to keep them safe.
You should decide on an amount you are able/willing to spend on them each month, and -- that's it. If you provide adequately and they have subsidized supplemental programs and yet still want more, you can send them in good conscience to one of their other children.
You survived your very tough upbringing, and your grit is commendable -- although it is tinged with anger.
Your next heavy lift will be to work your way toward forgiveness. Forgiving them will liberate you.
Dear Amy: Forty years ago, we lost a child -- and while I don't dwell on that with people, when I'm asked how many children I have, I don't know what to say.
For years, I wanted to say, "Well I have two living children, but I also lost a child."
It never seemed appropriate to bring that up.
There needs to be a word to use for parents who have lost children. If I lost my husband I'm a "widow," and if you and your husband divorce you are a "divorcee," but there's no word to describe a parent who has lost a child.
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