Husband needs to call a family meeting
-- Caring Husband
Dear Caring: Holding onto grievances is a terrible habit, in part because your wife's feelings and outbursts then become the focus of your communication. If she wants you to continue to work on controlling or changing your own habits, she should work on her own.
You two should have regular family meetings where you review household matters. Even though you see one another all the time, sitting down with intention will be good for your relationship.
Always close these meetings the way a good journalist closes an important interview: "Is there anything important we haven't discussed? Is there anything more you'd like to tell me?"
And before you two part, look her in the eyes and say, "Honey, I'm flawed. I make mistakes. But I appreciate you." Does she deserve this response? Maybe not. But do it anyway.
Leading with a loving reaction should disarm, charm, and inspire her to behave differently.
Dear Amy: For the past 10 years I have had a difficult relationship with my younger brother, who lives in Germany. Things got very bad when I found out he had molested his daughter for most of her teen years.
He vehemently denied this accusation. My niece is not physically or emotionally strong enough to bring her father to justice, and now my brother has no relationship with her at all.
He also wouldn't let me see our mother at her house. My mother became very afraid of him when he began to run her life, so in the end we could only spend time together by going to a restaurant. She passed away 5 years ago.
I received an email from my brother, saying he wants to try "one more time" to have a relationship since our family has become very small, and we are getting old. He says we should just forget about "the little differences."
...continued
