ArcaMax

Once my caregiver obligations became all-consuming about six years ago, I gave up on the chorus.

My wife was the gregarious one, and I have now come to realize that I have no other BFF relationships in my life.

Is it too soon for me to worry about doing something about the extreme loneliness that I'm experiencing?

-- Gay, but not "In the Life"

Dear Gay: It is never too soon to take steps to try to heal your loneliness. First step: Rejoin the men's chorus.

Live music -- listening to and performing -- is an extremely powerful healing force. Music rearranges your feelings, stretches your abilities and is good for your body and brain. And there is nothing quite like the feeling of hitting that high note or nailing the harmony perfectly. The "high" you experience after a tough and challenging rehearsal extends out into the parking lot, and for several hours afterward. And singing with others creates a wonderful kinship.

Your local hospital should have contacts for bereavement groups. Sitting with, listening to and sharing your story with other surviving partners may help you to start building your own path forward.

Forty-five years is a lifetime to be in an intimate partnership. Building other friendships takes time and attention. Without your gregarious wife by your side to forge new connections, you may have to pick up some new skills. But extending your hand and saying, "Hi, my name is...." is the way to start.

I highly recommend you watch the wonderful movie, "Beginners." Christopher Plummer plays an older man who exits the closet after the death of his wife; his joy in reveling in his out and authentic self is a thing to behold. I would wish the same for you.

Dear Amy: A woman who was sick of school fundraising informed the school that, "my daughter would not be pestering neighbors, friends or families with any fundraisers."

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