ArcaMax

If you genuinely don't want to be honest about why you are keeping your distance, then you need only be neighborly and cordial when you see or hear from these people. Cordiality does not imply friendship, nor does it tie you into further contact. If they contact you to say they miss you, you can respond, "Thanks. It's great to be back home." If they make a bid for further contact or friendship, you can say, "Thank you, but I don't think so. I've moved on, and it's all good."

Dear Amy: My partner had an affair with the head of HR at our company (we all work at the same place).

After a painful six-month separation and two years of working on our relationship, things are good with us.

I sometimes run into the homewrecker at work and I can't seem to let go of my disgust for her. I've wondered if talking to her might help me let go of the hurt feelings and, frankly, hatred I feel for her.

Time hasn't seemed to help. I don't even know how to react when I see her. Currently, we just glare at each other.

-- Pained Co-worker

Dear Pained: I'm assuming that the head of HR at your company violated the most basic company policies when she chose to have an affair with your partner. I'm also assuming that -- realistically -- you can't do much about it in terms of reporting, without possibly ruining your partner's career.

Communicating with her about this affair might have a negative impact on both of your careers.

And I'm wondering, realistically, what you might gain from telling this person how you feel about her. In fact, I admire your restraint up to now.

Look at the hard work you have put in to finally forgive your partner.

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