ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My wife and recently learned that our cat "Pumpkin" has taken to entering a neighbor's house through their cat door and picking fights with the neighbor's cat -- inside their house!

This resulted in the neighbor's cat having to be taken to the vet.

Pumpkin has been an outdoor cat for 10 years. The neighbors are new to the area.

We are, of course, appalled by our cat's behavior, but we are at a loss as to how to stop it, short of keeping our cat inside. Keeping him in full time would be awful, because when he wants to go outside, he yowls most pitifully and is aggressive and destructive.

Our neighbor has respectfully communicated the trouble Pumpkin has caused, requesting most recently that we keep him inside on a night when she would be out of town and unable to break up fights between the two cats.

Stopping this problem requires one of us to give up some freedom.

Either we have to keep Pumpkin inside, or our neighbor needs to give up her cat's ability to come and go freely through an open cat door.

It does seem a little unfair that we would have to keep Pumpkin inside so our neighbor's cat can go outside whenever it wants. We know we need to communicate respectfully with our neighbor to find a solution. Any ideas?

-- Peace-able Neighbors

Dear Neighbors: First of all, I want to thank "Pumpkin" for providing fodder for the most unusual question I've ever tackled in this space.

Secondly, even though I admit to enjoying the idea of Pumpkin and other neighbor cats convening in your neighbor's kitchen late at night to play a few rounds of poker and smoke tiny cigars, you should take your cat to the vet immediately to be neutered, chipped and tested for disease.

Your "outdoor" cat might not ever adjust to being inside full time, but it must be stated that cats -- yours and theirs -- are easy prey for coyotes, cars and feline leukemia, to name a few hazards.

The solution here is for you to invest in a new cat door as a gift for your neighbor. You want to get the kind that has a computer chip on it, matching a chip on that cat's collar, so it will only open when that particular cat approaches. Not only will this keep your cat out of the neighbor's house, but it will also keep other animals such as raccoons from entering their kitchen through the cat door.

This is going to cost you. But it will cost less than a lawsuit. Your neighbors have been great up until now. Don't count on this lasting.

Until you can make these arrangements, you should ask if your neighbors would be willing to adhere to a basic schedule and latch their cat door closed, perhaps at night. You will then have to keep your dude on a leash if he needs to go out on their cat's schedule.

Dear Amy: I am a 20-year-old gay man in college. I am open about my sexual orientation, and proud of it, but I feel like the odds are stacked against me in the dating world.

I can't afford dating sites, and going to clubs/bars (when I turn 21) is not really my thing, so I have a feeling that the people I would meet there are people who wouldn't share my interests. But it's hard to find out gay guys wherever.

I don't NEED a relationship, but I want one, and I feel like that's not even an option.

-- Out But Not About

Dear Out: Finding a relationship will start with finding and forming friendships with other students across a wide spectrum. Everything will flow from there.

Join organizations aligning with your interests as a way to meet other students. Attend concerts, rallies, games, theater productions and lectures. Also consider joining your campus' LGBTQ organization. This club will organize activities and meetups.

Be patient, and put your energy into becoming the best version of you. A relationship will happen in good time.

Dear Amy: Remind readers that one way to handle rude questions is to say (sweetly): "Why on earth would you ask that?"

This seemed to work when a friend of 25 years asked me: "How did you GET your husband to marry you?"

This strategy worked momentarily -- until the next rude question.

-- Newly Wed

Dear Newly Wed: I agree that this is a great retort. I also like the (trendy): "Wait. What?"

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)