Grandmother feels trapped in her own home
Dear Confused: Your insight about what lies behind your mother's distance sounds correct. You are both in the midst of an emotional and relational transition. Look at the dynamic from this angle: you want your mother -- and she's right there, same as always. She wants her daughter -- but your status has changed.
Give her time. Don't let her emotionally manipulate you, but do let her adjust.
Dear Amy: I totally disagree with your recommendation to "Reluctant," that she and her husband should take in his sister's children.
I grew up in a home where my mom literally said to me, "I wish I did not have kids." And I always felt her resentment for having kids throughout my childhood.
I've forgiven my mom and have a "regular" relationship with her. However, we are not close.
I've never wanted kids. And taking in kids I don't want wouldn't be healthy for me or the child.
-- Childless by Choice
Dear Childless: "Reluctant" seemed to accept both her reluctance -- and her choice to take in these children. I hope that she is able to embrace parenthood; I do believe she is trying.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
