Woman wonders why people ask about her name
Asking a person from Cleveland who has an American accent, "Where are you from" is perceived very differently than when it is asked of you. An American-born or "American-looking" (whatever that is) person might see this as a normal social ice-breaker. You see it as an indication that the person asking doesn't think you belong here.
You might be wrong about that, or overly sensitive regarding these questions -- but people asking them should be aware of how questions like this are perceived.
I have a Chinese daughter and other Asian family members who also report frequent comments or questions designed to highlight their otherness, such as, "What are you?" "Where are you really from?" or "Where are your real parents?"
Occasionally the people asking these questions are also Asian.
But let's just stipulate that asking a fellow human being, "What are you?" is offensive.
One way to respond to a question you don't feel like answering is to turn it back on the questioner. If you are asked, "Is that your real name?" You could answer, "Why are you asking?" Depending on the response, you could simply answer, "Yes, it is my real name."
I hope you will see the movie "Crazy Rich Asians." This runaway American hit with an all-Asian cast explores, exploits and explodes these stereotypes.
Dear Amy: About two years ago my husband was found searching online for porn. He even went to the extent of chatting with a lady or two online.
After intense counseling for eight months, we seemed to work it all through.
We have been married for 35 years.
...continued
