Mentor worries about assault disclosure
-- Tired Friend
Dear Tired: I prescribe a course of loving detachment. This is where you listen and bear witness, but don't weigh in with advice, opinions or fixes.
You need only say, "Well, I hope that someday you will be ready to leave. When you're ready, I'll do my best to help."
It's a perverse aspect of human nature that the more forcefully someone tries to fix another's problems, the more forcefully they may resist. These friends might expect your exasperated and tense reactions to their stories. When you change the script, their attitudes could start to shift.
You absolutely must take care of yourself. If this burden brings you way down, then these abusive relationships will have claimed another victim.
Dear Amy: "Torn" relayed her shock that her husband of 16 years had been smoking cigarettes the whole time.
I was shocked at her sense of smell. Non-smokers can detect cigarette smoke on someone's skin and clothing in a nanosecond.
-- Non-Smoker
Dear Non-Smoker: I had the same thought. Either "Torn's" husband is extremely stealthy, or she should get herself to an ear/nose/throat doctor.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
