ArcaMax

Contact both women to say, "Thank you for your help with Linda's shower. We appreciated your contributions, and I think everyone had a good time. I'm confused, however. Where did all of the leftover food go? Did you take it home with you?"

That's it. The cannoli is then in her court.

Dear Amy: My sister and I have been invited to a young relative's fall wedding. As women in our 70s, we are delighted at the chance to attend a wedding, followed by dinner and dancing. Weddings are few and far apart in our age group.

However, now the bride's mother is discouraging us both from attending. Her comments include: "There's very little parking available," to "It's just a big drinking party for the bride's friends."

I can't understand why we have received invitations, but are being discouraged from actually attending. The bride doesn't need gifts, as she has a good job and a large house.

Do they want to save money on dinners? Will they be embarrassed if two older relatives attend a reception for young people? Are we expected to put in an appearance and leave early? Or are we supposed to stay away, and just send gifts?

I don't want to skip my relative's wedding, but I don't know what to do. Any advice for us?

-- Invited but NOT Invited

Dear NOT Invited: I can understand your eagerness to attend a wedding, but -- from what you report -- it is obvious that this family does not actually want you to attend.

Some people issue "obligatory invitations" -- these are invitations sent to people they want to honor with an invitation, but don't actually want (or expect) to attend the event. This is rude, to be sure, but it seems that you and your sister have fallen into this unfortunate category.

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