Parent catches child being cruel at the pool
You daughter needs to learn that fierceness and kindness are actually two sides of the same coin. The most wonderful people are those who use their fierceness -- and bluntness -- to serve, not only themselves, but others. It's easy, lazy and cowardly to be mean. If your daughter wants to be popular and well-liked (all 12-year-olds do), she will have to learn how to be brave enough to be nice to someone she doesn't want to befriend.
Dear Amy: My husband's parents' own a beautiful lake house where my husband and I have spent a week or two every summer for decades. Two years ago, my husband and I invited three couples -- our close friends -- to spend a weekend with us there.
Last week, a friend (who was part of the group that vacationed with us two years ago) texted me, saying that she and our other friends were planning on contacting my in-laws to "arrange dates" for the group to vacation at the lake house. She said that she knows my husband and I are busy and might not be able to join them, but they'd like to go this year, and don't want us to feel like we have to host them. Essentially, our friends planned a vacation (without us) to our family's house!
I contacted my mother and father-in-law, who are incredibly generous and kind people. They were shocked by my friend's display of entitlement. I told my friend that my in-laws weren't ready to open the cabin to friends unless family was present, and she replied that it was "fine."
How do I let my friend(s) know that this request/demand was rude and presumptuous? How do I stop this from happening in the future?
-- Offended and Annoyed
Dear Offended: Wow, this takes entitlement to a whole new level!
You could deliver a stronger statement by responding: "This is a family home. Your choice to bypass us to solicit an invitation from my in-laws is ... surprising. I wish you hadn't done that."
If this person is aggressive enough to continue pushing, simply say, "No."
Dear Amy: "Bummed" was a young guy with his first roommate. He was complaining because his roommate routinely wore his clothes, even his underwear, when the roommate's clothing was dirty.
How hard is it to install a lock onto a bedroom door? Bummed needs to get one.
-- Easy
Dear Easy: A conversation about boundaries should precede the lock installation.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
