Teen's mother is tired of being 'that' mom
Not sending a thank you is bad enough, but she had such an expensive registry (summer and winter china?!).
Fast-forward to today. My cousin's wife is now pregnant and I have received a baby shower invitation. I am tempted to not attend because I will be angry about not receiving a thank you. However, my aunt (this cousin's mother) was so generous and lovely when my children were born that I would feel guilty not attending.
Should I go and give a small gift, or give an excuse and not attend? Maybe I should include a self-addressed thank you card along with my gift?
-- Snubbed cousin
Dear Snubbed: This is an all-too-common problem. However, I'd like to point out that while you are fixated on their rudeness, including a passive-aggressive thank-you card with a shower gift is also rude, and hanging onto a grudge for two years is a bit impolite, too.
Yes, this couple was thoughtless, but you do not have to be. You should contact them via email and say, "I'm embarrassed to ask this, but did you ever get your 'thank you's' out after your engagement and wedding? If so, we never received them. Honestly, that has hurt my feelings. These landmark occasions are so important, and being thanked for giving a gift closes the circle for the people who celebrate with you." This is a polite and honest nudge. Do not tie it to the baby shower.
If you can attend this shower and still be polite to this couple, then do so, and give them a small gift like you had planned -- without the self-addressed note. If you think that you are incapable of being polite at this shower, then definitely stay home.
Dear Amy: "Driving me Nuts" wrote about how much "vocal fry" bothered her.
I'm a court reporter and I take down testimony and hear different speech patterns every day. Vocal fry is one of the worst sounds that reporters complain about the most.
Not only does it sound awful, people who think this is attractive and use it are swallowing the ends of their sentences.
-- Out of Order
Dear Out of Order: There has been a huge response to this letter, and the verdict is in: Everyone hates "vocal fry."
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
