Dad needs to tell young sons their mom is dead
He responds: "Yes, you need to tell your sons the truth. As parents, that's our best chance to sustain our children's trust in us, and to model the importance of being truthful. We parents must do our best to help our children learn to cope with the inescapable challenges that we all must live with.
"Never say anything that you will have to take back. There is no need to say more than a young child can understand, but it is important not to say things that you will later need to contradict. You must tell them that death is forever. Of course, they will not understand. Most adults can't really fathom death's irreversibility, either.
"Tell the truth in simple terms. Don't add more detail than they can handle. They will let you know when they're ready for more. There is no such thing as closure after a death.
"Children, like grown-ups, revisit the loss through time. As they grow, they will raise new questions that they didn't even know to ask when they were younger. Be ready to NOT be ready.
"You can say that their mother died from a very bad sickness that most people -- including children -- never get.
"Manage your own feelings about their mother's addiction so that your children do not have to deal with your conflicted feelings while dealing with their own. It is important not to cast blame, because children, even very young ones, often blame themselves for a parent's death."
Dr. Sparrow and I agree that your children are lucky to have a father willing to walk this difficult path, hand in hand with them.
Dear Amy: I work for a family-owned company in the Midwest. I am first (blood) cousin to the owners of the company.
I love them very much and go above and beyond in my work. I've worked for them for eight months, but for the last six months, I have not been paid.
This is nepotism, right? I tried having conversations with them about this issue (payroll, my unhappiness), but they make it about their problems and the company's problems.
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