Woman should exit from troubled relationship
I know I'm not naturally an angry person, so there has to be something we can do to keep this from happening all the time.
Can you help me with this?
-- Hurting
Dear Hurting: What you call possible immaturity, I call abusive. The behavior you report: Going out by himself several times a week, returning home and putting you down, boxing you in so that you are constantly worried about tiny "infractions" -- these are all alarming actions of a relationship that is imbalanced and abusive.
There is nothing you can do to change this dynamic unless your partner commits to change, and the guy you describe in your question does not sound inclined to change. He holds the power, and he will not readily relinquish it.
The best path for you is the path that leads you out of this unhealthy relationship. It's time to ask him to leave your home. If you need more encouragement, please seek out family and friends who can help you to look at this risky relationship in an objective way. Don't let this person isolate you.
Dear Amy: "Wondering" posed a question about how to talk about her ex-husband to her young children. I agreed with your advice to be very careful.
I was divorced with two daughters. I had the ex-husband from hell. However, I had a rule. No one, absolutely no one -- could say anything negative about him in my children's presence, not my parents, not my family, not my friends.
When he tried to agitate me, I would smile and walk away. If I received a harassing phone call from him, I would listen, thank him for his opinion and politely hang up.
It was very difficult to do, but I would not allow myself to get drawn into a battle where only my children would suffer.
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