ArcaMax

Dear Not: You have been with Mr. "Just OK" for eight years. So my first question for you is why you stay with someone you don't trust, and who is so ... meh?

Secondly, if you have kept this knowledge so close for the entirety of your relationship with him, why tell him now?

I suspect that down deep, this is a test of sorts. You tell him about the abortion, he judges and rejects you and your relationship ends (in your mind) because of his reaction, and in his mind because of your long-ago choice.

I don't think there is a right answer concerning disclosing this choice that you made when you were 15. But I do know this: If you trusted him enough to make a life with him, you would probably have told him a long time ago. If he trusted you completely with his own life and future, he wouldn't be looking for emotional relationships with other women online.

Your complete mismatch concerning the desire to have children is reason enough to part. Either you haven't clearly communicated this to him, or he doesn't believe you.

Aside from your relationship with Mr. OK, there is a deeper reason you are ruminating about this now. A therapist could help you to really sort it out. The insight will set you free.

Dear Amy: Oftentimes I see people scoop up food at buffet tables (or from party trays), smell the food, then put it back on the trays. I personally think that is very disgusting. They might think that this is OK to do because they did not actually "touch" the food.

What are your thoughts on this?

-- Christine in California

Dear Christine: Yes, I agree that it is gross to pick up food, smell it and then put it back into the public supply.

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