ArcaMax

I was caught off-guard. My mom never asks for money when she offers to do something special with the kids.

My children do not even receive birthday cards or phone calls from these grandparents, but I know that they are generous with their other grandchildren.

Is it my responsibility to facilitate this relationship by paying for my kids to be included?

I am not aware of any bad feelings between us, but I did opt out of sending my son to the show. Did I do the right thing?

-- Confused Mom

Dear Confused: This is an expensive outing, but all the same, these grandparents came up with the idea, presumably made arrangements and initiated the invitation. Their efforts should have been acknowledged, and if you couldn't afford (or didn't want to pay for) the outing, you could have suggested an alternative. You could have invited these grandparents to your home or to a local concert, for instance.

It sounds as if your parents are doing a good job of being the kind of grandparents you want your children to have, but for some people, reaching across the divide of ex-spouses is very difficult. You don't mention making an effort to include these grandparents in your kids' lives. They are your former in-laws, and may need more overt encouragement than your own parents require. They have made an attempt, and now it's your turn to reciprocate.

Dear Amy: "Baffled Bride" didn't know what to do about the guests who didn't leave a gift at her wedding.

Asking someone outright if they sent a gift could be embarrassing for everyone if the answer is "No."

Here's how I handled it: I wrote a note to all of our wedding guests, saying, "Your presence at our wedding was such a beautiful gift. Thank you for being there to celebrate with us!"

If they had sent a gift, this was a subtle way of telling them we hadn't received it. If they hadn't sent a gift, they got the appropriate thank-you for making the effort to attend.

-- Happy Bride

Dear Happy: I've heard from many brides (and grooms), who want the world to know that they understand that hosting a wedding is not a gift grab, but a celebration to be shared by a community. It is not a requirement that each wedding guest give a gift, pay for their own meal or submit to a demand to pay for the couple's honeymoon. It is a kindness, not a quid pro quo.

It was gracious of you to thank all of your guests for making the effort to be with you on your special day.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)