ArcaMax

The house is small, so we take turns having our own company at the house.

Recently, my brother went on a cruise, so I told him I would take that week off and go up to the cabin with some friends. While there, my niece called to say she wanted to come with her children. I told her there was no room for her to stay. She was upset and complained to my brother, and now my brother is mad at me for telling her no. Was I wrong?

-- Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty: You had a prearrangement with your brother for this particular week. Everybody in your circle knows how small this lake house is. Your niece knew you had the house over this particular week, which is why she called you. She knew you were there, using the house. She knew she needed to ask your permission to go there with her children. She just didn't expect to be told no.

If you co-own this property, you have every right to use it exclusively, just as your brother does, and you should not feel bad for reserving the right to use it during this prearranged week. This sort of co-ownership occasionally causes problems and glitches, because the next generation may feel they should have unfettered access to the family cabin.

Your brother should back you up, and your niece should grow up. Your "no" might have disappointed her, but she is an adult, and she needs to cope.

Dear Amy: I wanted to weigh in on the conversation surrounding spanking children as a discipline tool. I agree with you that spanking is unnecessary and cruel. I was spanked as a child; my brother was beaten with my father's belt. We both still carry the scars -- him from the abuse, and me from witnessing the abuse.

I resolved never to hit my children, and my husband and I have found creative and effective ways of disciplining them that don't involve violence.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: I've heard from many readers whose parents took spanking too far. And that's my primary problem with it -- most of us would resort to spanking out of frustration and anger, and that's the worst time to hit a defenseless child.

I believe that spanking children instills fear, not respect. One way to discipline children is for parents to demonstrate consistent self-discipline.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)