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Oh, Boy! A Word From Mickey Mouse, Who Is Spiraling in Florida!

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H-h-hey everybody! It's me, Mickey Mouse!

Say, you want to come inside my clubhouse? Well, allllright!

Oh, boy! Let's have some fun! Let's pretend nothing bad is going on, OK, everybody? I don't like to complain, because if you can dream it, you can do it! But I've had a rough couple of weeks, hoo-hoo! Not so swell, to be honest!

My attorney, professor Ludwig Von Drake, has advised me not to speak, so I will be careful, because I'm just a mouse in pants! Or are these shorts? Capris? Pantaloons? They are high-waisted with hollow, unseeing eyeballs, which sums up how I feel these days!

To make the clubhouse appear, we have to say the magic words together. Come on, everyone! Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse! Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse!

Did that create a special taxing district? No? Oh, boy. Maybe we can try again, a little louder! M-I-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G-I-S-F-I-N-E.

 

Now, I don't know too much about government, except that Donald Duck has shown what Minnie calls "autocratic tendencies" and that Goofy is what she calls a "sycophant, which one could argue is more dangerous than the autocrat."

All I know is, a lot of people in full-length pants have met in colorless boardrooms! They are threatening each other with money this mouse made them, kids! And I am now caught in a Mouseke-revenge plot!

I've got ears! It's time for cheers! Do you know how many ears people wear every day? With sequins and bridal veils and rainbows and, for some reason, Yoda? Those ears come out of my head, and no one is even talking about me!

Minnie said, "It's not about you," and I felt kind of hurt! She said we are "trapped in a performative culture war with real consequences." I told her that all our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them, and she said, "only with aggressive gerrymandering." Later, Daisy told me she saw Minnie with... shhh... a cigarette. She's full of beans!

...continued

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