1 Question Stands Between You and Career Success

Think of it as a quiz show.

Answer one question correctly and you win a ginormous salary, a panoply of perks and a first-class ride on the express elevator to the top. Answer wrong and you get our sympathy and a parting gift of one year's supply of Rice-A-Roni.

Did I get your attention? (That isn't the question. Don't be a wiseacre.)

The question in question will surely come up in your next job interview. It sounds simple -- friendly, even -- but the answer you give can make all the difference between getting the job and getting the bum's rush.

"Tell me about yourself."

That's it.

"Tell me about yourself."

If you believe these four little words represent a hiring manager throwing you a softball, you must read "How to Answer 'Tell Me About Yourself' in a Job Interview," a recent "Ask A Boss" column by Alison Green in New York Magazine.

Tragically, many job seekers take this question as an opportunity to ramble on about their hopes, dreams and interests. Does the hiring manager really want to know about your passion for clogging or your love of competitive dog grooming?

Not hardly.

"'Tell me about yourself' doesn't mean 'give me your complete history from birth until today," cautions Green. "It doesn't even mean 'walk me through your work history.' It means 'give me a brief overview of who you are as a professional.'"

The ideal duration of your answer, even for a fascinating individual such as yourself, is one minute -- 60 slam-bang seconds. (You are allowed to go over one minute if "the interviewer looks interested and engaged." Worrisome clues include yawning, dozing and gagging.)

Green's rules should get you through the interview, but I'm not sure they will get you hired. You want to stand out, and to do that, you have to stand up and speak your truth, or, better, speak whatever lies are most conducive to nabbing the job.

For example:

No. 1: Be Zen.

Impress the interviewer by elevating a mundane question to the realm of the metaphysical. "Who am I?" you respond. "Who are you? Who is anyone? Are we all not assemblages of magical molecules trying to find our way in a psychic landscape of love and loss, desirous of soaring to the heights of consciousness, yet weighted down by chains of being and nothingness?"

"This is me," you start to sum up in second 59, "a seeker, a searcher, a person who needs a private office and at least two extra weeks of vacation on Turks and Caicos every year to consult the cosmos and work on my tan."

No. 2: Be poetic.

Show your depth by responding with a flourish of rhetoric. "I am a butterfly floating above a rainbow of opportunity. I am a whisper of wind tickling your ears as I open my heart and mind to the infinite possibilities of becoming one with this company."

You get the idea. (Your poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but it couldn't hurt. "I am a hire you will never regret. Fire me and I'll sue, of that you can bet.")

No. 3: Be mysterious.

This approach is especially effective if you have gaps on your resume, such as your sudden departure from your last job when it was discovered you had four printers, 125 staplers and six cases of jumbo paper clips in the trunk of your car, or you need to explain the three years you didn't work because no one was desperate enough to hire you.

"I would love to tell you everything about myself," you whisper, "but I am forbidden to do so because of the Official Secrets Act of 1951. I can't say I was working for the CIA during this period, but if you persist in probing into my background, I can say that you are putting our national security at risk and embedded operatives will respond with extreme prejudice. Now, shall we talk salary?"

No. 4: Be honest.

If all else fails, you might have to tell the truth about yourself.

"I am motivated by money and probably won't cause trouble if I am left alone and not required to do anything against my principles, like work."

Sound good? Good! You are now ready to go out and fearlessly interview, unafraid of the big bad question.

Tell me about yourself?

"I am a mysterious Zen poet who loves clogging, competitive dog grooming and money."

Will this get you the job?

I think you have your answer.

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.