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Telling everyone I'm sick is kind of sick

Bob Goldman on

If you're wondering why this week's column is so lame, I have an explanation. I'm sick.

Or, to be medically precise, I'm telling everyone I'm sick. But really, I'm perfectly healthy. So, telling everyone I'm sick is kind of sick.

Would you ever do anything so sneaky?

Of course you would.

There are many advantages to telling your employer you're sick and can't possibly come to work. No. 1, you get to spend the day doing things you like instead of doing things you hate. And you get paid for it!

Plus, when you are sufficiently well enough to go back to work, you get all kinds of sympathy. All you have to do is cover your desktop with pills and potions, cough weakly and clutch the furniture to steady your dizziness. The sympathy could last through weeks of your personal brand of less-than-stellar performance. Instead of getting the blame you deserve, you'll get the praise you don't deserve.

 

"It's so inspirational he came in to work," your co-workers will say. "I hear the poor schnook is at death's door."

What could go wrong with pretending to be sick?

You could get caught.

That's what happened to the poor schnook whose mendacity was revealed when her manager found photos of said employee cavorting with other slackers on Facebook. (Come to think of it, this could be the way your employer figured out that instead of going to the emergency room, you went to Disneyland. You always thought it was when you showed up the next day wearing mouse ears.)

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