Ask Amy: Son’s apology demand creates distance
I haven't heard from him since.
Also, I guess my wife took his wife’s suggestion, because she did end up divorcing me, while my father is still married to his "prize" of a human being. Go figure.
My father is now in hospice care. He refuses to see me or speak to me because of how I spoke to his wife.
I want to see him one last time and to let him know that I love him.
I can't STAND his wife and believe that she is playing a role in manipulating his decision to shut me out. What do I do?
– The "Bad" Son
Dear Son: You are blaming everything that has happened on your father’s wife. However, you seem to have set subsequent events in motion by reaming her out, using unacceptable (and unforgettable) language. Of course your father defended her! What choice did he have?
(And isn’t it possible that your ex-wife invented or inflated what she reported to you?)
After your aggression, you boxed your father in further by demanding an apology and laying out your non-negotiable, without copping to your own unfortunate behavior.
You let this go on for years.
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