Sister's demands for apologies test relationship
Dear Amy: My sister often shares that she is upset about things I said or did years ago -- sometimes decades ago.
Her pain is real, but I honestly don't remember the events she is referencing.
These are often small interactions -- for instance, that I didn't lend her a sweater 23 years ago.
I'm not comfortable apologizing for something I don't remember.
If I offer an apology that I'm sorry she's upset, it's not good enough because it doesn't apologize for my actions.
If I say I cannot remember, she says that I don't need to, that I should trust her memory of the events and apologize profusely.
And, if I don't, she'll stop speaking to me, often for many months, with conditions attached for when I may call or contact her. For instance, when I disregarded her instructions and sent her a birthday card, she told me I was "disrespectful."
It's a vicious cycle of Apologize for Years Ago/Prolonged Silence.
Is there a way to break this cycle, or is it out of my control?
Is it reasonable to always listen and only engage in apologies if I remember the infraction?
...continued
