Sister's demands for apologies test relationship
How much time is reasonable for a person to process how they're feeling before they share they are upset?
Is it disrespectful of me to make my own decisions about cards/presents? -- Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Dear Between: Your sister is a difficult and challenging person, and if you want to have a relationship with her (are you sure you do?), you will have to engage in equal measures of patience and persistence.
This interpersonal game she's playing is one that requires two players.
I suggest that you do whatever you want to do from here on out, as long as it is respectful. Before fulfilling any demand, ask yourself, "Do I want to do this? Is this in my best interests?" You might choose to tell her, "I'm not playing the apology-game anymore."
As you alter your reactions, your sister may act out with more ferocity.
If she doesn't like your behavior, she will have to find a way to cope with it, without insisting that you bend to her will. She is testing you by trying to control you. If she seems overly and persistently unhappy or anxious, you should recommend that she see a counselor, because what ails her is something that you cannot fix.
Read, "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You," by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier (1998, William Morrow).
Dear Amy: I have been invited to attend a bridal shower for a family member. Rather than register for gifts, this couple (who have two children together) have asked for money to fund their honeymoon, as their household is already established. I anticipate their wedding invitation will have the same request.
This seems tacky and very distasteful to me and my spouse. Has the new millennial giving etiquette declined to begging for money? Thanks for your insight. -- Baby Boomer
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