Are you obsessed with spicy foods?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
Hot peppers bring tears to my eyes, but so does a family anecdote from my young adulthood.
I was living with my parents and slept during the day because I worked graveyard shift. One day my mother and brother brought home some pork barbecue for lunch. They pounced on the delicacy, chortling because I was missing out. (We’re a quasi-functional family, okay?)
They should not have accepted the “hot” version of the sauce.
Bypassing “4 alarm,” my mother’s mouth went straight to DEFCON 1. Her tongue was so enflamed she didn’t have time to warn my brother before he bit into his own sandwich.
Mom soon had her head under the kitchen faucet, vainly trying to dilute the inferno. My brother couldn’t get a turn at the faucet, so he rushed to the garden hose at breakneck speed for relief.
Revenge is a dish best served while Tyree is awake to witness it, but I settled for a leftover confession.
My mother and brother tortured their taste buds unwittingly, but many people nowadays intentionally bombard their mouth with ever-larger doses of capsaicin, the chemical irritant and neurotoxin that gives chili peppers their kick.
(Surely you remember the old Quaker Oats motto: “Nothing is better for thee than me … although chemical irritants and neurotoxins come in a close second.”)
Restaurants and community festivals have long taunted guests into consuming more and hotter peppers, but now challenges on social media have kicked the competition into overdrive.
Copyright 2023 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com