Where do you fall on the coffee spectrum?
Coffee should bring us together, but elements of class warfare or generational warfare are unavoidable. Folks who keep an economical 40-ounce canister in the cupboard (or grab the cheapest generic java that the convenience market dispenses) look askance at the elitists who spend a fortune every single day on conspicuous consumption of some froufrou gourmet concoction.
The notion is that the elitists are (a) making way too much money or (b) skimping on other things to finance their caffeine addiction. (“I could’ve sprung for a nicer funeral for Mom, but I couldn’t find a single casket with the Keurig seal of approval.”)
People disagree about whether to keep their coffee cravings private or shout them to the heavens. But it’s probably not a good idea to quote the ad slogan “If I don’t get American Ace Coffee, I’m going back to bed” on a job application – unless you plan to top it off by flooding social media with pictures of yourself sharing a bong with the HR director’s underage child.
Don’t let my babbling threaten your heartfelt beliefs but consider the Big Picture.
All the memes, T-shirts, posters and Garfield cartoons about coffee mania are amusing, but what if they’re giving aid and comfort to our adversaries?
Somewhere Chinese students are fasting for a week, performing 500 pushups and solving complex quadratic equations in their heads. Americans? We’re sending the message “I can’t remember which is my right house slipper and which is my left house slipper until I’ve had my first gallon.”
Oh, it’s been a pretty good 247 years. Treat yourself to a free naval base, President Xi Jinping.
Copyright 2023 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
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Copyright 2023 Danny Tyree, All Rights Reserved. Credit: Cagle.com