ArcaMax

Ah, but the survey also found that many parents help their adult children out financially! They do this more so when the kids are 18-24 and less so as the years go by. Is that intensive parenting? Excessive assistance? Crippling with kindness?

Well, as the Pew folks also point out: Young adults are going to college in record numbers and racking up record college debt. I'm not actually sure that college is the best path for everyone, but at the moment it's still popular. So, helping young folks get their financial footing doesn't strike me as being a destructive "enabler." Maybe because I've done it myself!

I know there are some who think that any assistance after a certain age is coddling. But I think it's time to flip that. How?

Give them independence as kids. Let them play, explore and take some small risks without adults always supervising. They'll see that you believe in them. That helps them believe in themselves. You're there for them without overprotecting. I realize there are a lot of fuzzy lines, but basically, I'm talking about trust:

You trust that your kids can handle some things.

They trust that you're there for them when they can't.

That's the beginning of a nice relationship. Or, as my husband put it: "At some point, it's not the whole parent-child thing. It's just family."

That would make for a boring New York Times headline. But it's true.

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Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, a contributing writer at Reason.com, and author of "Has the World Gone Skenazy?" To learn more about Lenore Skenazy (Lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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