Senior Living


Health & Spirit

Dating Coach: Don't do this if you want to find love in 2018!

By Lisa Copeland, on

Published in Senior Living Features

Recently, I looked in the mirror and instead of seeing my inner and outer beauty (we all have it including you!), all I could see were some new lines that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere.

Unfortunately noticing those lines led me to look at other lines and before I knew it, I was on this downward spiral of only seeing the negative aspects of my face.

This included some old acne scars from my youth and a single hair on my chin. (I grabbed my glasses so I could really see it along with a pair of tweezers and I plucked that baby with a vengeance...all the while cursing the hormones that had changed my hair life forever when I'd turned 50.)

I was on a roll.

I turned away from the mirror and looked around the bathroom. Instead of appreciating what a nice bathroom it was, all I could see was a tiny and I mean tiny piece of wallpaper that had come away from the wall.

Next, I strolled through my house seeing tiny flaws everywhere...the windows I should have had cleaned before it got cold, my dining room table that was now scratched thanks to my dog trying to get a better view of the world when I wasn't home, and that one counter in my kitchen I can never seem to keep tidy.

From there I moved to family and friends finding fault with them when they'd done absolutely nothing wrong.

And an hour later when I went to lunch with a friend, I was critical of the service that was slow and the food that wasn't as good as it usually was.

By now, I was beginning to feel like I was in a Dr. Seuss book called Wacky Wednesday where the day got worse by the minute.

This type of downward spiral (and we all have them from time to time) can keep you single and alone.

How? You go online and what happens?

You find fault with every single man on a site.

This one is too old.

That one is not my type.

(By the way, if your type worked for you, you'd still be with him. Right?) Did you know you can find a new type of guy, one that makes you a lot happier by creating a Quality Man Template?

Let me share with you an example of how I saw this downward spiral work in real life.

I recently met a friend for Happy Hour.

Over dirty martinis and appetizers, she told me about the really bad day she'd had at work.

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She was feeling pretty lousy about herself at this point.

Next thing I know, she's pulled her phone out of her purse and is showing me the awful men she'd never date on one of the Dating Sites.

I was surprised because I saw some very nice men scrolling by, but when I pointed them out, she couldn't see even one who she'd be interested in.

She was of the opinion that all men on dating sites had some imaginary fault, so she wasn't going to waste her time on any of them.

This type of mindset can keep you alone the rest of your life.

Here's why....

The outside world is a direct reflection of what you're feeling inside and when you're not feeling great about yourself, you're not going to feel good about any man you might meet.

So how do you get out of this Debbie Downer mindset that can keep you alone forever?

Well for sure don't go online until you can make this mindset shift because it will frustrate you to no end since no one will feel right.

Instead, grab a cup of tea or a glass of wine and a journal (a notebook is fine too) and start writing down 3-5 things you are feeling grateful for about anything in your life.

You might find you resist doing this simple exercise because it's easier to stay in a negative mindset than it is to look at the good in your world.

But this type of mindset keeps you from getting what you want so you need to push through it and begin doing this exercise every day.

You'll find the more you practice the mindset of gratitude, the more it will pay off.

You'll begin seeing the good in everything and everyone.

This is the secret to ending the cycle of being alone forever and the mindset that can lead you to attracting and keeping a good man in your life.

Lisa Copeland, "The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!" Find out more at



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