ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After 22 years together, my "husband" and I are finally getting legally married -- a bit tardy, as same-sex marriage was legalized years ago! We're neither young nor rolling in cash, so we have a very tight budget and need to keep the guest count on the low side.

I would like to include two or three of my co-workers with whom...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past year, I built a friendship with one of my co-workers in a very prestigious organization. We are both in our 50s. She can be hyper-verbal at times. She started volunteering information about many things -- her salary, her poor upbringing, her marital details, her husband's personal habits, her spirituality ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Not being naturally good at conversation, I've learned to look for specific cues that an exchange has been going on too long or that I need to move on. An obvious cue is when someone looks at their watch.

However, many people in my life now wear smartwatches, which alert them if they have a new text or email. Consequently, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fifty years ago, an old love and I parted ways. We haven't remained in touch, but we have been generally aware of our separate paths.

When my friend married, I was a part of that celebration, and I sincerely wished her and her spouse well. Now, the news has been passed to me that she is battling a terminal illness.

After we ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a 15-hour overseas flight that began around midnight. I sat by a window, and both seats next to me (the middle seat and the aisle seat) happened to remain unoccupied. The cabin lights dimmed after the meal, and everyone began settling in to sleep.

At that point, a somewhat older lady (maybe aged 60), who was seated ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a very stressful job. I am connected to my phone almost 24/7, and I take all calls regardless of my location.

I frequently take calls from clients and staff while using the ladies' room. I am distressed when others using the same restroom flush toilets and use loud hand-dryers while I'm on the phone. It must be obvious...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My last name is a very common American first name. My first name, while standard, is not so common. For the purposes of this question, I'll call myself Whitney Joseph.

I go by my first name, Whitney. I have always introduced myself that way. But all my life, there have been people who seem unable to address me as Whitney and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have worked retail and customer service jobs for about 20 years. Whenever an item is not scanning, out comes the old joke that if it doesn't scan, it's free.

I just looked at a customer and informed him that even on my very first day of retail, that joke has never been funny. He then told me I do not have a sense of humor. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a longtime employee of a company that has offered additional work-from-home days to IT workers willing to exchange their spacious and private offices for a desk in a shared room when working on-site. To skip the commute for an additional two days per week, I took advantage of this offer and gave up my office.

What do I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a theater professional. My job involves giving honest (but hopefully never brutal) critiques of actors during the rehearsal process. My reputation for results and professionalism is very valuable to me -- monetarily, professionally and personally.

Even though I try to avoid it, I am frequently introduced to an actor's ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always made friends easily, even throughout moving several times for my husband's career. I'm so thankful for that. Some have become lifelong friends, and some were just close during similar ages/stages of raising our children. This is all fine and expected in life!

But what about the friends I just don't enjoy ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there ever a polite way to teach other people's kids to be a little more mannerly or considerate?

For years, I have been driving my grandson's carpool once or twice a week. The three involved are good kids, and I have no problem providing this much-needed service. I know how hard it is for parents who work full-time to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a surgeon who loves the symphony. Unfortunately, I work long hours, and sometimes show up at a performance after working 32 hours straight.

I recently went to the symphony ... and kept falling asleep. At intermission, the woman next to me said, "How dare you come to the symphony and just fall asleep! That is so rude!"

...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were at an informal outdoor party for a child's birthday. Right when we arrived, the hosts offered cold bottles of good beer.

If I'm drinking good beer, I like to let it breathe in a glass or even a plastic cup. I accepted a beer from the host, and then -- thinking there might be cups available that I just didn'...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of ours hosted a brunch for several new parents. The brunch was on a hot summer day and held squarely in the middle of morning nap time.

When the five other couples arrived, we found out that the host's baby was still asleep, and we had to sit around for 20 minutes (with hot babies in tow) waiting for the host's baby...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an office with around 30 people. There are several bathrooms available to the staff, and I have used all of them at one time or another.

When I am occupying any of them, I've noticed people never knock before trying to open the door. They will grab the handle and pull several times before they walk away. It is easy ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You've always advised against mixing social life with work, although I'm not sure why. And now I read that the generation entering the workforce agrees with you, and is not particularly interested in having work friends.

Hey, I miss my office friends now that we're working from home! Work was also where I met women. I met my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do people insist on judging other people without knowing them?

I have health problems and cannot drive. Sometimes when I arrive at a store, public transit has taken an unexpectedly long time to get me there -- a bus breakdown, missed transfer, etc. When this happens, I often need to eat something immediately. I have been ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a person apologize if they are unaware they did anything wrong? While staying with a friend, my husband stole the covers all night long. When I told him what he'd done the next morning, he said tersely, "I didn't know," but didn't apologize.

When I said I'd apologize if the situation were reversed, he said he didn't ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were raised not to put more food on our plates than we would eat, and to stay seated during a meal unless we asked to be excused. Our adult daughter's boyfriend was apparently taught differently.

He fills his plate to overflowing, though he is very picky and never finishes his food, and actually takes extra ...Read more