Ask Amy: Husband’s ‘proposal’ might be indecent
Dear Amy: My husband of 45 years recently came to me with a proposal. He wants to deepen a friendship with a single woman 20 years younger.
He says she lifts his spirits, is creative, and is a great mom to her children.
Their conversations are lively and interesting, and he finds that he wants to be around her more often.
I was flabbergasted and hurt to the core. To me, this is an emotional affair. Because of my reaction, he has labeled me as lacking self-esteem and accuses me of not trusting him.
Am I overreacting to this proposal, or am I being perfectly reasonable?
– Hurt Feelings
Dear Hurt: If it’s a true “proposal,” then you get to say, “No deal. I reject your proposal.”
But I don’t think this is a proposal. I think this is an announcement.
You’ve left out any context, but when you responded to this by revealing your own vulnerability, your husband chose to gaslight you.
In addition to highlighting this other woman’s great qualities, he is by implication drawing a contrast to you (“She’s a great mom to her kids” is a nice touch).
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