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Ask Amy: Conference attendee has a professional beef

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Is there a good way to say “no” to this without insulting my friend or harming the friendship?

– Not the Best Best Man

Dear Not the Best Man: Bridezillas and Frankengrooms, take note!

Overall, culturally, I wonder when marrying couples will realize that their attendants have reached the breaking point.

This issue used to be mainly confined to the bride and her attendants (or maybe they just talked about it more).

I have noticed an increase in concerns like yours expressed by men who are feeling the social, personal and economic squeeze of being an attendant.

 

Your best friend’s wedding is scheduled for several months from now.

Tell him right away that you can’t do this. Preface this tough conversation by telling him how honored you are, but tell him, quite honestly, that you do not have the bandwidth to take on any organizing duties.

Are you available and interested in being a groomsman? If so, let him know, but emphasize that you realize the decision is his to make, and that you will feel honored to attend the wedding as a guest.

You might offer to include his grandmother as your “plus-one” and to prepare and deliver a toast, if he would like.

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