ArcaMax

I also fear that my impatience with his disorganized habits would eventually lead to the breakup of our relationship.

We have also entertained the idea of selling both of our homes and jointly purchasing a townhouse or condominium in a gated community and making a fresh and clean start, although my concerns about his lifestyle persist. However, real estate brokers have told him that in his present state, his house cannot even be shown to prospective buyers.

He can’t seem to find any time to get to this task, despite the fact that he has reduced his work schedule to allow for two days off during the week.

I find it very unlikely that our relationship can ever progress beyond what it is now, and I am terribly frustrated and disappointed.

Your advice?

– Concerned

Dear Concerned: Your description of “Dave’s” home does indicate that he has a serious hoarding disorder.

And no – you should absolutely not “combine” households unless he receives successful treatment and demonstrates that he is in long-term remission.

Living with a hoarder is extremely stressful and unhealthy, for all of the reasons you are already experiencing.

If he moves into your home or if you two move into a new place together, Dave will likely hold onto his house and storage buildings (because he won’t be able to part with possessions, and his property is unsellable). He will then expand his hoarding into any household you two share.

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