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Ask Amy: Mother wants another baby despite family’s wishes

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: At 54, my mother, already blessed with two academically accomplished children in the eighth and 12th grades, says she wants to have a third child.

I am nearly 18 years old and will leave for college next year.

My father, who is 57, is adamant that he doesn't want another baby. He is a middle-school teacher and could retire within a few years. The idea of raising another child weighs heavily on him, having managed students his whole life.

Plus – would a 12-year-old want a father in his 70s?

Nobody except my mother wants another child. To accomplish this without enduring another pregnancy, she's exploring surrogacy. She says she is encouraged by medical professionals who believe her fertility levels can produce a baby.

I'm also concerned about my mom's demanding work schedule. She works extremely long hours, and yet still wants to add another child to our family.

 

Am I selfish in questioning the allocation of resources, as my mother contemplates funding a new life while lamenting her inability to pay tuition for a private college?

Is it OK for my mother to divide our family, considering no one’s wishes except her own?

– Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Having a child through surrogacy is extremely expensive – especially if your mother expects to do so through having fertility treatments and contributing her own eggs for the surrogate’s pregnancy.

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