Life Advice



Ask Amy: Details emerge after soul mate’s death

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

I now feel devastated and disrespected.

How do I grieve the man I was in love with when he was living a double life?

I don't know if he actually had sex with these women, or if it was entirely virtual in nature, but I’m not sure if it even matters.

I know he loved me, but he wasn't the man I thought he was.

How can I mourn and move on when I am hit with this whirlwind?

– Shock of Reality


Dear Shock: The famous five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You might find yourself moving straight into the “anger” stage and staying there for a while.

Given the way this man’s family rejected and prevented you from participating in the funeral, as well as the evidence you’ve uncovered, you quite naturally feel betrayed.

My instinct is that even though you say you were looking for a will on his phone, you might have (subliminally) been looking for pretty much what you found.

And now, you must deal with your children in the very best way you can – allowing them to love and mourn this man without focusing on your own anger or his betrayal.


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