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Ask Amy: Two besties experience ‘friendship interruptus’

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Losing Friendship: It occurs to me that if “Childhood Friend” wrote this question, she might reflect on her own disappointment that – because of your connection with a new boyfriend, you essentially moved away from this extremely close friendship … and during the darkest days of the pandemic, no less!

My point is that for both of you, your emotional attention has shifted, even if your friendship-needs have not.

But transferring life partners (trading the bulk of your primary attention away from your cohabiting bestie to the men in your lives) does not mean that you are headed to a bestie-divorce.

You two have been friends through very different phases in your lives (from childhood to roommates to adulthood). This is a transition to another phase of friendship, and it will take some time to adjust.

I hope you will be patient with her. Call or see her in person (verses texting). Express a version of: “For me, our close friendship was the silver lining of the pandemic. I hope we can find ways to keep it going, even though I know we’re both distracted by these men in our lives.”

It can feel good to state a simple truth: “I miss you! I’d like to be closer.” If you do, your friend will probably express a version of the same sentiment.

 

I hope you two can schedule some one-on-one time together as your friendship makes yet another important transition. If your respective guys hit it off, all the better.

Dear Amy: You have had a number of letters regarding disclosure of DNA results to relatives, etc.

I am 84, and I have just learned through DNA testing that I am illegitimate.

My biological father and brother are dead, and my biological nephew does not answer my efforts to reach out via the DNA site.

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