Ask Amy: ‘Big C’ survivor struggles with new identity
Dear Amy: Six years ago, I developed a difficult cancer with a life expectancy of three to six months.
After many months of chemo, I received a donor bone marrow transplant from a specialty hospital where I was for several more months.
The transplant was “successful” and the probability of reoccurrence is low.
I worked very hard at recovery. Now I am trying to accept a new normal.
I have post-transplant complications including fatigue, graft versus host disease, organ damage, emotional trauma, food constraints, and am immune compromised.
I try to present myself well, but it’s hard to keep up the act, and sooner or later something comes up that highlights my inabilities.
I get tired of blaming “the Big C” but often it comes out; for example, I get extremely fatigued and have to leave after a few hours, or people resent the fact that I am still careful and masking, so I mumble something to explain myself.
I have not been able to come up with a way to present myself that works well (I make jokes that fall flat, etc.).
I often decline social engagements for all of those reasons, and also just because I don’t want to be odd.
Any suggestions for how to be me?
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