Ask Amy: Abandoned child now plagued by guilt
My friends and family say that I don't owe her anything, but she's my mother, she gave birth to me and although she's never done anything for me it doesn't seem to matter. If I don't help her, I feel guilty. If I do help her, I feel worthless and used.
I also recognize that she will die soon, and I don't want guilt for not helping her to eat me up.
Please offer some of your guidance.
– Bewildered Daughter in Carolina
Dear Bewildered: I agree with your friends and family that you do not owe your birth mother anything – or much of anything.
In my view, all of your actions now should be focused on your own health and emotional well-being.
Do not give into your mother’s manipulations.
Do let this episode guide you toward your own higher purpose.
Human compassion might inspire you to try to assist someone in pain, and there are ways to do this without becoming too emotionally involved.
The facility where your birth mother is currently residing likely has a social worker on staff. This person could review your mother’s situation with you and discuss her options. If you are willing to talk to your mother, you could review what options she may have with her.
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