Ask Amy: Modern family unit faces a ‘Rebecca’
Do you think I’m being too sensitive about this? I'm not a jealous person, but I feel like he puts her on a pedestal, but I'm the one who takes care of our family, and I feel like I deserve to be number one. What's your take?
– Jersey Mom
Dear Jersey Mom: My chief concern would be directed to your guy’s daughter, whom he seems to include in some of his musings about his late-wife. Imagine being told at that tender age that your very existence is only the result of a tragedy that happened well before you were born.
This girl spent her life (before you) being parented by two troubled people who subjected her to repeated traumas. Thank goodness she has a stable and loving mother in her life, now.
Next, I wonder about your children. Is he able to fully embrace his role as a parent to them?
I agree with your instincts. Your man needs and deserves therapy in order to process the trauma of his first wife’s death, and all that has flowed from it.
In my (objective) opinion, you should not agree to marriage until he accepts therapy on his own, and couple’s counseling with you.
Dear Amy: I often go to dinner with two other couples and their children. (I am single).
We take turns paying the bill.
This is my dilemma: My daughter thinks I should pay every third time. I am on a fixed income.