Ask Amy: Sober friend worries about friend’s enabling
Both have college degrees, are gainfully employed, and their moral compass points in the right direction. We are proud of them, we let them know it, and they know they are loved.
However, their personal hygiene is poor, as is their diet, and they are not physically active, which has caused them to put on weight.
Unless something changes, we are concerned it will only get worse.
Our hope was that by exercising regularly and trying to eat well we were being good role models.
How can we encourage them to make healthier lifestyle choices without overstepping our boundaries or saying anything that could harm their self-esteem or make them feel shamed and insecure?
– Worried Dad
Dear Dad: These young men are living with you, and so your directives should be pointed toward behavior of theirs that affects the household.
I’m talking about hygiene, here. I’m making assumptions, but if your sons are laying around the house in their own filth, playing video games and scarfing pizza (when they’re not at work), then you should lay down some very clear expectations.
If they want to continue to live with you, they need to bathe each day, keep the common rooms clean, help with household chores, etc.
I would not discuss their weight with them. Their weight is their business.
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