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Ask Amy: Volatile relationship benefits from separation

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

We are at the point where we are ready to take the next step. My girlfriend wants to move to Florida. She wants me to come too, but she plans to go one way or the other in the next year or two.

I love Florida, but all of my friends and family are here in New England. My mom is independent and doesn’t necessarily rely on me, but she would be devastated if I left.

After my dad died (about 10 years ago), my sister and mom have relied on me to be there for them. Truthfully, I would miss being there for them, too.

I know I’d always be a phone call away, but it’s just not the same.

I love my girlfriend more than anything and I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not sure I’m ready to move away from my home and everyone I know.

How can I make this decision – one way or the other?

 

– Uncertain

Dear Uncertain: You should start by very honestly trying to decode your own motivations. Surely your mother would miss you, but would she be devastated? Talk to her about this. Are you genuinely necessary to your family, or are you afraid to move?

Being nervous about leaving home is completely natural. It speaks to your sensitive and compassionate nature.

You don’t need to have a definitive answer right now. After your girlfriend moves, you could transition to a long-distance relationship, which should help you to clarify all of your competing priorities.

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