Ask Amy: For advice shopper, the answer is alienation
Dear Amy: My psychiatrist suggested I write to you because none of the professionals we've consulted have an answer.
I had two children with a selfish, emotionally abusive man. I divorced him at my psychologist’s suggestion so my children would not see and experience his awful behavior.
I had custody of the children. His few opportunities for visitation were lost due to his abuse. When the kids were older, he got visitation and spent most of the time trying to turn the kids against me.
My daughter was able to forgive him when she was an adult because he mellowed and she wanted to have some connection with him, despite his faults.
My son, however, caved to his pressure and has not had any contact with me in 20 years.
My daughter maintains a close relationship with her brother to this day.
My son is getting married. He evidently believes I might show up and make a scene, even though I have not been invited. (People often accuse others of things they are capable of doing themselves!) My ex won’t be in the same room with me.
My daughter is going to be in the wedding, but won't tell me about it.
I moved across the country to be with her and her kids.
I'm the good mom -- the extra good mom that did everything. (My daughter is a doctor.) My ex-husband is a bad man. He's made my son a bad man.