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Ask Amy: Father feels undermined over FaceTime

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

All was going well until her fiancé’s daughter (in her 20s) dropped out of college and moved in.

Apparently, her dad covers this daughter’s expenses and does not require much (if anything) in return. He lets her basically do as she pleases, and that means sleeping until noon, not working, and asking my sister, “What’s for dinner?”

You can probably see where this story is going. My sister’s blissful pre-honeymoon phase is being interrupted by this third person’s constant presence. It frustrates my sister (to no end) that her fiancé has not set down any ground rules. My sister works from home and feels she has lost her peaceful “space” due to his daughter’s lax lifestyle.

Further, she fears that the daughter may end up living with them for many years to come; something she didn’t bargain for when she moved into his house and accepted his marriage proposal.

Your take?

– Concerned

 

Dear Concerned: It’s “his house,” “his proposal,” and “his daughter,” but it’s HER life.

This is not the way to enter a family system where two smart, successful, and advanced-age adults should be holding hands and in basic agreement about their marital partnership.

This also sets your sister up for failure, as the hard-working future stepmother of a young adult.

Every couple should receive pre-marital counseling – but especially couples blending families, finances, and property.

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