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Ask Amy: Rom-com might not have happy ending

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

It's like we find a way back to each other in my dreams.

This is a constant ache in my soul. Is it too late to reach out and say hello, or should I let it go?

– Dreamer

Dear Dreamer: My amateur take on your persistent dreaming is that your subconscious is trying to repair a series of losses in your earlier life. Your father’s business failure, the foreclosure and move, and “Brian’s” rejection of you during a period of instability. These are all early and painful wounds.

Your persistent thoughts and dreams are also an invitation for you to explore and examine your current relationship to your “lovely” husband.

I don’t necessarily discourage you from contacting Brian, as long as you realize that this contact could very likely lead to much more pain for you – whether from Brian’s lack of interest leading to (another) rejection, or from your obsession leading to the failure of your marriage – or both of your marriages.

 

Rom-coms are fantasies. The richness of real life comes from understanding and accepting past hurts and losses, owning your regrets, and integrating these into your authentic and actual lived experience. You’re not there yet.

A therapist could help you to sort this out. I highly recommend it for you.

Dear Amy: I'm a 33-year-old man. I have one child that I'm not allowed to see.

My son is three years old, and his mother does not allow me to see him because she still holds on to grudges from my past.

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