ArcaMax

Dear Readers: Every year I step away from my column briefly to work on other creative projects. (Anyone interested in my personal essays and photographs can subscribe to my free newsletter: amydickinson.substack.com).

I’ll be back next week. Today’s “Best of” topic from 10 years ago concerns what happens in a relationship when one partner gains – or loses – weight.

Dear Amy: I've been dating my girlfriend for three years, and I really love her.

I do think she is beautiful, too, but in the last year she has started to gain weight.

I've been hitting the gym religiously, have lost weight and am back into my former athletic form.

I don't want to sound shallow, but it's becoming somewhat of a turnoff to me.

I am attracting the attention of other (more attractive) females at bars and parties. I am not the cheating type, but it can be tough sometimes. I am not a shallow person, but sex is an important aspect of a relationship, and I really don't want to lose my drive. I am only in my early 20s so you can imagine how tough it would be to limit my sex life because of something like this. I try to eat healthy when I am with her and attempt to get her to go to the gym with me, but it is hard to get her in the habit. However, I don't want to tell her, "You need to go to the gym" because I love her and don't want to lose her. What do I do in this sticky situation?

– Not-So-Shallow Hal

Dear Shallow: You seem afraid that your awesomeness will so outstrip your girlfriend's attractiveness that you will be forced – forced! – to look elsewhere.

You don't love your girlfriend with your whole heart, because if you did, you wouldn't compare her to other people and immediately start worrying about how her weight gain affects you.

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